Modified Behavior

so over the past couple of months I’ve been battling with some personal struggles.

what to do with my life, who to have in my life.

I just find it hard to talk to people about real things. I try to keep up appearances just to not weird anyone out.

When it comes down to it really, I guess I’m truly a rambling man, going where I’m needed yet never where I want to be.

I know that there’s always the, “Don’t care what anyone thinks” attitude, but in the end where does that get you? Nowhere.

In America, you either have it or you don’t. I’m not okay with living a mediocre life. All my life I’ve been dealt shit cards and managed to make at least a little something with it. Even if I’m still in the same place I vowed not to be, I’ve tried to do something to better myself.

As far as who to have in my life, it really is impossible to say. It’s so hard to imagine myself with one person for the rest of my life, because I just get bored way too easily. Especially with the plethora of internet goddesses and muses that always have me running for cover.

I can’t stand that there are some people in the world who are so adamant that sex and being physical has to have emotional connotations to it. Either I’m just so scarred sexually that I’ll never be able to look at a woman the same way, or never be able to connect with someone on an emotional level. Which, I mean, isn’t all that bad, but it’s hard to deal with problems without having a willing ear.

And lately it’s been me having absolutely horrendous days of daydreaming about sex, dreaming about sex, thinking about sex, and wanting sex. 24/7. Even though my body is not physically capable of such a feat.

This whole post has really been about nothing. How I’ve managed to stay in one place for 4 years and have everyone I know run past me. I still don’t know what to do with myself and my life, except sex drugs and dubstep.